google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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