so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
