the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
