Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
