ADVERTISEMENT

• (714): View more from California

  so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.

  (1-714): View more from California

  yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...

  Fav 91 1346 2871

  share tweet
  

• (803): View more from South Carolina

  You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.

  Fav 37 1651 3675

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (817): View more from Texas

  I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.

  Fav 6 3950 1996

  share tweet
  

• (856): View more from New Jersey

  Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him

  Fav 18 1174 5671

  share tweet
  

• (914): View more from New York

  Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY

  Fav 11 3870 1692

  share tweet
  

• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend

  Fav 5 2916 1031

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (240): View more from Maryland

  We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.

  Fav 3 2316 1250

  share tweet
  

• (281): View more from Texas

  Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.

  Fav 11 785 1836

  share tweet
  

• (850): View more from Florida

  Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.

  (1-850): View more from Florida

  Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.

  Fav 10 3654 1048

  share tweet
  

• (310): View more from California

  The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.

  Fav 8 675 1234

  share tweet
  

• (270): View more from Kentucky

  Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.

  (1-270): View more from Kentucky

  Hey I found a cat!

  Fav 7 2065 645

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (775): View more from Nevada

  You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal

  Fav 3 981 569

  share tweet
  

• (219): View more from Indiana

  Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.

  Fav 7 613 1013

  share tweet
  

• (775): View more from Nevada

  Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.

  Fav 0 227 70

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (808): View more from Hawaii

  She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days

  Fav 0 130 7

  share tweet
  

Randomize