I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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