Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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