First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
