so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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