I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
