And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
