I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
