I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
