He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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