Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
