at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
