I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
