You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
