She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
