i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
