remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
