Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
