Christians are straight up FREAKS
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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