i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
