She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
