please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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