I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
