just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
