i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
the liver wants what the liver wants
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
