We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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