So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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