I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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