it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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