It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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