i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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