I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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