what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
