Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
