I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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