I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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