Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
