Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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