So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
