I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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