You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
