dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
