On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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