I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
