3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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