i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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