Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
